Loving to Distraction

My Child with Fur

Jon Katz has seen it, too. He spent a year observing people and their dogs in his hometown of Montclair, New Jersey, a microcosm for middle America, and his latest book, The New Work of Dogs, looks at the roles we impose on our pets in a mobile society where many of us are increasingly isolated from family and friends, and feel alienated from community.

"What kept shocking me," Katz says, "is that people were telling me again and again that they get more emotional support from dogs than humans. Their dog is 'my child with fur,' and the death of a dog is the same as the death of a human and should be treated the same way. Then you have the projection of complex emotional thoughts, qualities and responses onto the animal. I call it the over-emotionalizing of dogs."

A group of women gather for lunch at a trendy restaurant. All are in their late 30s or early 40s. They are either divorced or single, but most have dogs, and they laugh as they declare their need for men and relationships a thing of the past. They say dogs are far better companions than men. Instead of swapping gossip about their mates' annoying habits or insensitivities, they share stories about their dogs' adventures - the terrier that terrorizes ducks in the park; the Lab who insists on snuggling up for an afternoon nap; the spaniel who just simply refuses to eat dog food anymore and is only fed organic meat. These canines are the center of their people's lives - the primary relationship in their worlds.

 

Katz experienced similar exchanges with a group of women who dub themselves The Divorced Wives Club. They bonded through shared disappointment in human relationships and the fact that they all seek comfort in their dogs. "It's clear to me after talking to so many people, especially women," says Katz, "that many of them don't get enough emotional support in their lives. I'm concerned as a human being. Do we want to be a society where people turn to animals for support rather than to other people?"

Gavriele-Gold agrees that the role of companion animals is being stretched beyond what is natural in a world where the stresses on people are driving us all into overload.

"There is an intimacy in the silence between people and their dogs," he says. "We're drowning in information all day - telephones and computers, e-mail, cell phones, television. There isn't a second when we're not taking stuff in.

"There's no time to process things emotionally anymore. I work with people who can't tell you what they're feeling. If you ask them, they start telling you what they think. And if you say, 'Yes, but what do you feel?' they can't tell you. They can't get to it. People aren't taking the time to come out of their heads and process what is going on emotionally. Something has to change drastically."

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