Will The Real Aliens Please Stand Up -- Page Two

. . . "It’s true, Boss," she said breathlessly, racing into my office later that evening. "Professor Barkalot has confirmed your theory. He says that he has been conducting parallel research and that the people we refer to as the PTB are descended from the original aliens.

"As you correctly surmised," Tammy continued, "the original inhabitants of Earth were, indeed, feral cats. The Professor says that their first major civilization was in Ancient Egypt. It was an ideal country for cats since there was lots to eat around the river Nile and they could use the rest of the country as a litterbox.

"Eventually, of course, even a litterbox the size of a whole country needed cleaning up, so the cats arranged to import some people from another planet as a housekeeping crew.

"The cats charmed the new arrivals into working for them. Since the accumulated ancient cat litter had to be piled up somewhere, this led to the building of the pyramids. The people even began to worship the cats and were happy just building more pyramids."

"Which explains why they are still so fascinated by pyramids and litterboxes," I muttered.

"Exactly," agreed Tammy. "But there was a problem. The feral cats had grown so dependent on the people that they were beginning to lose control. Within a few thousand years, the descendants of the aliens were running the whole planet. Plus, there were now too many of the alien people because the cats had not yet invented spaying and neutering."

We sat in silence for several minutes. "This explains everything" I whispered. "It’s absolutely explosive, and it’s a story that can never be told."

"The Professor has been working secretly with the Colonel and his Gang to reverse the situation," Tammy continued. "His strategy is to locate the descendants of the original aliens and enlist their cooperation in saving the planet by returning it to the feral cats."

"How is he going to locate the right people?"

"It’s quite easy," Tammy explained. "Descendants of the original aliens have inherited a fascination with cat litter, pyramids, and feral cats."

Readers of this magazine who fit this profile will almost certainly be contacted, sooner or later, by a representative of the Colonel and his Gang – i.e. by one or more feral cats in your neighborhood. Please allow yourself to be charmed into taking care of them.