How to Get to Best Friends...
... if you don’t like long lines at airports

By Tomato the Cat – Best Friends Travel Editor
September, 2002

Lots of you who have been visiting Best Friends during the summer have been complaining about having to stand in long lines at airports, and then having to do weird things like taking your shoes off and getting patted down. (Cats and dogs get patted down by practically everyone who meets them. And if we complain, we get labeled as having a “behavior problem.”)

Anyway, there are much easier ways to get to Best Friends without the long lines or security checks. In my first edition of How To Get To Best Friends (October 1996 issue), I noted that one of the best ways to get here is to sit in a trash dumpster. I know this because someone dropped me off, along with my brother, Tamale, in a big trash bin when we were tiny kittens. Then, only a short while later, someone else took us out and brought us straight to the sanctuary. No airports, no long lines, no security checks. A rating for this method of travel. 

Up the Pole with Stormy & Modesta
If you think dumpsters are too much like airport lounges, then an optional alternative is to climb a telephone pole or a lamp post. You get lots of fresh air and an excellent view of lesser mortals who are stuck in traffic jams.

The main disadvantage of lamp posts, telephone poles, and trees is that customer service can be a bit slow. Stormy, for example, waited at the top of a telephone pole in Los Angeles for three days before a travel agent finally showed up to bring her down. And then they took her to the animal hospital, where she had to go through security – lots of patting down and a big X-ray machine. (And they didn’t X-ray her bags, they X-rayed her!)

Modesta came here via a lamp post, too. And she was so fed up with the service that she bit the travel agent who finally showed up. That got her to Best Friends even quicker because the county shelter where she went is not allowed to hang on to cats that bite. 

Hanging Out at the Burger Joint
If you’re a dog, you’re too fixated on what goes on at the bottom of lamp posts, so disregard all the above, and head for your local burger joint.

Ziggy, for example, got his person to drop him off at a Burger King.

And the McPuppies (Big Mac, MacNugget, and MacMuffin) were picked up – no surprise – at McDonalds.

And Lucky Wally waited at a Wally Burger place. (Wally Burger places are local to Roswell, New Mexico, where, come to think of it, you might be able to persuade extra-terrestrial aliens to pick you up and deliver you here.)
          
              Ziggy (above left), Lucky Wally (above right) and
              the McPuppies all agree that burger stands are better
              than airport restaurants.

Burger places can be better than airport restaurants, so feel free to order something while you’re waiting.

If you’re a vegetarian, Ludwig the Iguana recommends fruit and vegetable stands. Ludwig says there are often excellent fruit stands in small towns. He spent a couple of days at one before getting picked up and brought here. 

The Ins and Outs of Going to Prison
I am withdrawing the four-star rating I gave to prisons, in my previous survey, as an alternative to airports and train stations.

This high rating was based on a recommendation from Comanche the horse, who wandered onto the grounds of a prison, and was very well taken care of there before being given a ride to Best Friends by one of the officials.

But many of you wrote in to say that it can be difficult to get out of the slammer once you’re in, unless you’ve got a good story or a Get Out of Jail Free card. However, when Mayor Jethro was taken to court after his person was hauled off to the pokey, his attorney persuaded the judge to send the dog to Best Friends.

So while you should always stay out of prison yourself, you might want to have your person go there instead.

There are several variations on this interesting theme. Mama Lou Lou and her kittens were living in a crack house in Las Vegas. The house was raided by the police, and everyone was arrested except for Mama Lou Lou and the kitties. She just sat outside all day, running in to check on her little ones every so often. And then the police officers handed the whole family over to the neighbors, who called Best Friends and got the O.K. to bring them here the next day.

(Note: The Powers That Be have asked me to point out that while this worked perfectly well for Mama Lou Lou, you should not try it at home.) 

Going, Going, Gone!
If you’re a horse or a pig, and can’t get to a lamp post, a burger joint, or into a family of criminals, then putting yourself up for auction is a possible way to get to Best Friends. It’s kind of risky because it can easily backfire on you, which is why I can only give it a weak rating. But it worked a charm for a family of potbellied pigs that were dropped off at a shelter and then, because of local livestock laws, put up for auction.

Some Best Friends people actually showed up at the auction and outbid everyone else ($58 for all five pigs), and drove them here.  

Travel from Abroad
If you’re not a pig, don’t like high-stakes gambling, and just want a nice quiet flight, then it’s a matter of choosing a good airport to fly out of.

In my previous survey, I was very bullish on flying out of Puerto Rico (SJU). Several dogs from there said the flight was good, customer service was excellent, and American Airlines footed the bill. (In fact, my top recommendation was to sit in a trash bin near the American Airlines counter in Puerto Rico.)

We haven’t had any dogs from there lately. So I’m now giving a paws-up to airports in Saudi Arabia and the Gulf States. Oscar the Cat had an excellent flight from Dubai (DXB), via Amsterdam (AMS) and Los Angeles (LAX), a few years ago. And Zoe flew out of Dammam (DMM) via Frankfurt (FRA), and says the service from PAWS in Al Khobar and from United Airlines was excellent. 

Destroy the Transport
Paradoxically, some dogs report that they got to Best Friends by destroying their transport. Rozzie ate the car. And Linda and Grover went a step further by eating most of their house.

I think this is in extremely bad taste, as well as tasting pretty bad, and do not recommend it. 

The Magic Flower Pot
My top recommendation for this edition of How to Get to Best Friends is the magic flowerpot.

Fred and Ethel didn’t have anywhere to live, so they moved into the only thing at hand: an old flower pot. A few days later, as they describe it, the flower pot started to move, and when they woke up next morning, they were at the Best Friends Kitty Motel. They both have feline leukemia, so they have a special home here.

There may well be a flower pot near where you live. If not, and you want to visit here, just write to Fred and Ethel, and they may be able to lend you theirs.

See you soon.