Molly’s Trip to Mars
March, 2004

Part Two: Is Best Friends Dogtown really on another planet?

When I published my first report on Molly the Beagle’s trip to Mars, the spacecraft were all still on their way to the Red Planet. When they arrived, the Beagle II got lost, but the Rovers are O.K., and both still nosing around on the planet.

Meanwhile, Molly claims to have come up with startling evidence that Mars is really located at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. I caught up with her for this exclusive interview.

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Tomato the Cat: What makes you so certain that you’re living on another planet?

Above: The Gusev Crater on Mars Below: Coral Pink Sand Dunes near Best Friends

Molly the Beagle: Just look at these two photos. One of them is the Gusev Crater on Mars; the other is the Coral Pink Sand Dunes, just a few miles from Best Friends. I bet you can’t tell which is which?

T.C. They look the same to me. So which one is really Mars?

M.B. That’s classified.

T.C. Off the record?

M.B. The top one is Mars, and the one underneath is the Coral Pink Sand Dunes.

T.C. How did you become so involved in the Mars mission?

M.B. I was once an abandoned beagle myself, so I want to help rescue the Beagle II that’s lost on Mars.

T.C. The Rovers haven’t got lost, but one of them did run into a different problem. The scientists thought it might have had a hardware problem in its computer. And then they decided it was a software problem.

M.B. A lot of the rovers and other animals that come to Best Friends have special needs, too. Take Juniper, for example. As you can see, one of his listening devices doesn’t stand up properly. But it’s not really an issue. And lots of the dogs are missing a wheel or a tail or whatever.

T.C. What about software problems?

M.B. Some of us have software problems, too. Sweet William the Cat is a bit funny in the head, but she still has a very nice time at the TLC Cat Club. And she looks really cute. So just because one of the Rovers has a special need that doesn’t mean it can’t get around just fine on Mars – and find a good new home, too.

T.C. Is it possible that the Beagle II is actually sitting on Mars and trying to call home, but that nobody on Earth can hear it.

M.B. I don’t think so. It would only have to howl. Just look at Leroy. He’s a Rover, and when he wants you to know where he is, he just howls. That always sends a very loud signal.

T.C. So, do you think the Beagle can actually be found?

M.B. They’ve done a lot of high tech stuff to try to locate it, but nobody’s tried putting out food and water. That’s what we do here at Best Friends whenever one of the dogs gets out of their play area and goes running around the sanctuary A few nice treats and a bowl of water, and they’re usually back by dinner.

T.C. But you can’t put out a bowl of water on Mars. They don’t even know whether there is any water there.

M.B. Oh, it’s there all right. And they think a lot of it is probably underground. And that’s just the way it is here at Best Friends. We have a whole Underground Lake, so that’s what they need to do on Mars: look for the underground lake.

And Best Friends has Angel Canyon, with a bubbly creek that goes all the way down to the Grand Canyon. And on Mars they have even bigger canyons than the Grand Canyon. So that means they probably have even more water.

All they have to do is start digging. A lot of the dogs at Best Friends are very good at digging. And the Rovers on Mars have drills, so they should be able to dig up some water even if there are no water bowls. 

T.C. Are there any plans for cats to go to Mars?

M.B. Cats are believed to have originated on Mars, because it has the best supply of red cat litter anywhere in the universe. Ancient Egypt had the Sahara Desert nearby, which was why they migrated there. And they came to Best Friends for the same reason.

T.C. And what about humans? Will they ever go to Mars?

M.B. If it turns out that there really are homeless pets there, Best Friends members will be there before you can even say “Sit!”