Watching Out for Voter Fraud at Benton's House
November, 1999
Who will be the new Chairpurrson at Benton’s House?
The PTB (Powers That Be) are agitating for someone a little more flexible than Benton the Cat who, you will remember, went over the Rainbow Bridge this summer.
For
all his faults (he was grumpy, dictatorial, and egotistical, had a whole
building named after him, but was ever so charming when ladies came
visiting the sanctuary) Benton always managed to keep the PTB in their
place. No cat could come into Benton’s House without his say so. And
since his room was the heart of the TLC Cat Club, he insisted on
special-needs cats only and absolutely would not put up with the PTB
trying to bring homeless kittens in there. As soon as he heard them say,
“Just for a day or so while there’s an overflow,” he would turn into
a monster. (The kittens didn’t mind – they got to scamper around the
passageways and annoy everyone by hiding in the cupboards.)
Anyway, Benton is no more and the PTB want a new Chairpurrson who can be relied on to “cooperate.” They have agreed to put the matter to a vote, but I assure you that they are not above rigging the election and then issuing an apologetic announcement that “the dog ate the ballot boxes.”
The
Colonel and his Gang have agreed to count the votes over at the WildCats
Village. (They are hardly above a touch of voter fraud themselves, but at
least they agree with me that the PTB have more authority than is good for
them.)
The PTB have agreed on five candidates. They are pushing for one of them, whom I shall not name here in the interest of fairness, as their preferred Chairpurrson.
Before you vote, here are some of the characteristics of a good Chairpurrson:
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Has to be unadoptable. Members of Best Friends often like to adopt famous “unadoptable” cats. But the Chairpurrson has to really be a permanent resident.
-
Has to be a good host. The most completely unadoptable cats at Best Friends are the Colonel’s Gang over at the WildCats Village. But, like most ferals, they make rather bad hosts – well, very bad hosts.
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Needs a certain “gravitas.” A Chairpurrson has to be affectionate but not too cuddly and must not appear to be craving attention which always brings down the tone of the TLC Cat Club.
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Needs to realize this is just a role. Any cat who starts to believe what the PTB are telling visitors about him or herself ends up believing their propaganda and therefore living in complete unreality about him/herself.