Watching Out for Voter Fraud at Benton's House -- Page Two
Here, then, are the choices for the new Chairpurrson of Benton's House:
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Pro: This highly photogenic candidate is perfect for the media age. (Was on the cover of the September 1999 magazine.) Has no problem exercising authority, making decisions, and taking a stand on unpopular issues. Con: The issue that she takes a stand on the most is being picked up. Indeed, she defends her right not to be picked up and repeatedly cites her Second Amendment right to bear arms (plus teeth and claws) when challenged on this.
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Pro: Perfect poster boy for the Best Friends TLC Cat Club. Slightly cross-eyed expression and other neurological problems make him a winner with everyone who meets him. Con: This guy is goofy. The elevator does not -- emphasize not -- go to the top floor.
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Pro: Needs daily medical treatment, so she really understands the problems with Medicare and HMOs. A vote for Patience is a vote for good manners and modesty. Plus, she adds much-needed tone and class to the TLC Cat Club. Con: Not very cuddly. Gets embarrassed when visitors see her black mustache and say to their husbands: "Oh, Honey, she’s so darling. She looks just like Hitler!"
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Pro: This handsome Abyssinian show cat was hit by a car and then abandoned at the hospital because he is now incontinent. Believes in the right of the disabled to be cuddled at all times. Con: Bijou is a shoo-in for adoption by anyone who likes to play nurse. So we’d be back at square one here at Benton's House, looking for a new Chairpurrson in a month’s time.
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Pro: Three-legged Blackjack can still win any race he enters although he doesn’t race around as much as he used to. A vote for this truly ancient and wise kitty is a vote for sanity at the TLC Cat Club. Con: Blackjack is too wise ever to accept the nomination. (And this is not a campaign ploy.) Although he is too polite to say so, this is one race he will never enter since he considers all this Chairpurrson stuff to be a bunch of hype. |
Camille
Julius
Patience
Bijou
Blackjack
| Note: February 16th, 2000. The election is now over. You can go here to see the results. |
You can e-mail me your vote, saying simply "I vote for ______." However, voter fraud will be dealt with most severely. In registering your vote, you are agreeing to the following official terms and conditions:
Terms & Conditions of This Election: I understand that if I am caught cooperating with the PTB by voting twice for Julius or otherwise rigging the ballot, I may be sentenced to be adopted by an overweight, incontinent black Labrador-mix with acute separation anxiety.