Colonel Seen in Cosmic Campaign Conspiracy
Paw prints identified in galaxy 5,500 light years away
May, 2000
By Tomato the Cat – Best Friends Investigative Reporter

Readers will be aware that I have, for some time, harbored deep suspicions about The Colonel’s true intentions should he be elected President in November, which pollsters already say is a foregone conclusion.

Since announcing his candidacy two months ago, The Colonel has declined to give any interviews at all, let alone issue a single policy statement. It is also increasingly unlikely that he will agree to appear in televised debates.

Meanwhile, visitors to his barracks at the WildCats Village are still being met by his feral cat campaign chiefs Saturn and Daiquiri, who “greet” them by glaring down balefully from the rafters.

What is The Colonel hiding?

Thanks to the incomparable Professor Barkalot, I can now reveal the astounding truth…

Next: The Astounding Truth