And the Winners Are ...
Results of the Chairpurrson Election
February, 2000
By Tomato the Cat – Best Friends Investigative Reporter

In a previous report, Tomato invited readers to vote for a new Chairpurrson of the Best Friends TLC Cat Club. He also gave fair warning that the Powers That Be (PTB) at the sanctuary might try to rig the election.

The votes are all in and – wouldn’t you know it – the election for the new Chairpurrson of the TLC Cat Club has been rigged.

As it turns out, however, it was not the PTB who are to blame. One of the candidates just went ahead and staged a coup.

Here, then, are the results of the election:

There were, as you will remember, five candidates: Julius, Patience, Camille, Bijou, and Blackjack.

Wise Blackjack, as I pointed out, has never had any real interest in being a chairpurrson. This three-legged elder statesman, one of the oldest members of the TLC Cat Club, prefers to work quietly in the background, helping new arrivals make themselves at home in Benton’s House.

Still, lots of you voted for Blackjack, which he is certainly very honored by.

Handsome Bijou, the beautiful Abyssinian who was abandoned at an animal hospital after being hit by a car, has suddenly had several adoption offers since the voting began. Rather than becoming the new chairpurrson, this super-handsome kitty may well find the perfect new home quite soon, instead.

Bijou got lots of votes, too, but I agree with the PTB that it would unconscionable to have to put you all through the ordeal of a new round of voting if Bijou was installed as the new chairpurrson and then promptly adopted.

Camille, who defends her right not to be picked up at all times, received lots of votes from the masochist wing of the Best Friends Party. However, she violated the rules of the Electoral College by staging a hostage drama while Elaine, a member of Best Friends from New Jersey, was visiting the sanctuary and volunteering at Benton’s House.

“She lay down in my lap,” explained Elaine, “and whenever I tried to remove her, she would attack my leg.”

Elaine tried negotiating by herself, then called for a rescue team. Eventually, everyone agreed that negotiations were futile and, instead, Camille simply accepted Elaine’s unconditional surrender. Elaine then filled in an adoption form and asked if she could take Camille home. 

“I absolutely fell in love with her,” she reported later, “and she only bit me a few times!”

Frankly, as you can see, Camille would have made a terrible chairpurrson, anyway.

Next page: That leaves Julius and Patience.