No More Homeless Pets Forum July 12, 2004 Working with People Is the Hard Part!

How can you resolve the interpersonal challenges? Do you have a chronic complainer among your volunteers? An unproductive Board Member? A staff member who creates strife? A co-worker who is suffering from burnout? Clinical psychologist and author Linda Harper will help you find strategies to meet the challenges you face.

Introduction from Linda Harper:

I talk with many people who are feeling very stressed-out while trying to help the animals. Often I hear, "It's not the animals that are driving me crazy -- it's the people! How do I deal with their problems?"

We animal lovers can be so single-minded about helping the animals that we sometimes become impatient and insensitive toward our fellow human beings. What a difference it makes when we give "difficult" people some of that understanding and compassion we give to our "difficult" furry friends! It is important to recognize that smooth interpersonal communication is essential to meeting our goals to help homeless animals. When we are all getting along, we create an energizing atmosphere where creative ideas flow freely. In addition, cooperative relationships offer more enjoyment and pleasure to hard-working days -- for everybody! With a little understanding, tact and compassion, there are practical ways to approach and resolve the interpersonal challenges that come our way.

Questions

Handling a volunteer who verbally attacks others
Finding a balance and not getting overwhelmed with volunteering
When volunteers don't follow through on committments
Turning negative conversations about others back to positive
Raising consciousness when Board members breed animals
When people write with constant requests for help but never take action themselves
Getting people to implement ideas, not just give them
Dealing with "eccentric" animal people
Dealing with the emotional roller coaster of working in a shelter
When Board Members overreact and cause bad feelings with staff
Defeating the "we tried that and it doesn't work" attitude
What to do with Board members who show no leadership or follow through
Inter-personal conflict with a co-worker
What to do when everyone is equally overwhelmed
Feeling frozen because of too many projects to do

Handling a volunteer who verbally attacks others

Question from Gail:

How timely! Yesterday, a volunteer reduced another volunteer to tears. This is not the first or second incident for this volunteer. My past tactics have been comfort and listen to both sides. I have not witnessed her verbal attacks but this is the 2nd time a third party has come to me saying they were taken back by the harsh words and are no longer comfortable being around the verbal attacker. The positive points regarding this volunteer are her creativity, her ability to work with the animals and her hard work ethic.

It would be easiest if I could just comfort, listen and say "they're adults and need to deal with this on their own". Do I owe it to the other volunteers to have a talk with the verbal attacker and point out that her behavior is harmful?

Linda Harper's response:

I certainly understand your inclination to let the adults "deal with this on their own." And there are times when this is the best approach. However, the old adage "There is more here than meets the eye," is usually an accurate reflection of a situation like this. If it is not dealt with in some way now, it only grows larger and involves more people. I am sure you are feeling like there are so many other ways you would rather spend your time, but I believe it will be in the best interest of the organization to try to get a handle on the problem now. Since you said that this is not the first, or even just the second incident for this volunteer, and even a third party is reacting - we are probably seeing a pattern of the "attacking volunteer" rather than just a reaction from a hypersensitive volunteer. It is still important, however, for you to keep an open mind since "attacking" is defined many different ways by different people.
I would start with the "least invasive" intervention, and that would be to sit down with the volunteer for a short casual interaction and start by letting her know that you value her hard work, creativity, and her way with animals, and would like her to remain a volunteer in the organization. This should help her be less defensive with you, more relaxed, and you will be modeling for her a positive problem-solving approach to dealing with people. Then, let her know that some of the volunteers (if it is 3 incidents, say three; so she knows it's not just 1 person or 1 incident) have expressed to you that they are feeling uncomfortable with her and are even reluctant to work with her - "They feel you can be verbally attacking." If you have felt this from her or seen it in action even just a little bit, bring your perceptions/feedback up at this point. Then you can say that you know that she has the best interest of the animals at heart and so you wanted to bring this to her attention so all volunteers could keep working together; keeping the organization running as smoothly as possible. Give her a chance to talk so you get a better understanding of what kind of behavior and person you are dealing with, as well as her perception of these interpersonal communications.

First and foremost, in your discussion with her, you will want to determine whether she is aware of how she is coming across. Is she unaware of her harshness or is it deliberate? Does it seem to matter to her that this is causing a problem? Does this happen in other aspects of her life? Are anger outbursts a problem she has been dealing with? Or is she under particular stress that is contributing to a short fuse? Does she feel like she is speaking up for the animals somehow through this behavior? Is there some way that you can help? Your assessment of how this volunteer has accepted your words/confrontation with her and her willingness to monitor herself and adjust her tone and her words will then determine what you do next. If she seems open, give her the chance to prove that she can adjust her ways now that she has this awareness and give her a few brief ideas of what you are expecting from her. Ask her to take extra care to talk in a pleasant and cooperative tone. Let her know that positive and cooperative communication is essential, so if she finds herself in a situation that is making her too angry to communicate in this manner, she should walk away and go to you (or whoever else she should go to, first, rather than attacking or even correcting a volunteer - this is not her job.)

If she seems receptive, then you can let the other volunteers know that you have talked with her and you would like them to try and stay working together for now since that is the best interest of the place, and give her a chance. Hopefully, this is all that would be needed to get things back on track. Otherwise, if there are more complaints and things do not get better, it should become fairly clear to you what the next step would be based on the information you gathered in this initial talk.

Finding a balance and not getting overwhelmed with volunteering

Question from a member:

I have been very active in my volunteer group for more than two years now. I started out slowly, and then as the organization began to grow, I took on more responsibility. Recently, I've tried to scale back a little because of other responsibilities in my life. I've made it very clear to the Board and our volunteers that I cannot do as much any longer. But everyone keeps coming to me with every little thing. I don't want to leave them in a lurch, but I feel that I'm enabling them by always being there. At what point do I get tough? How do I make them see that I can't continue to do so much? And how do I stick to my guns?

Linda Harper's response:

I am happy to hear that you are trying to take care of yourself. You realize that you cannot volunteer as much as you have been because of other things going on in your life.

I hope when you lessen your load with volunteering, you are also making a little room to have time just for you as well, and not simply trading in one set of responsibilities for another! We are at our best in giving to others when we take time to keep ourselves replenished.

The fact that everyone keeps coming to you shows that your value to the organization is noticed! You've told people that you need to cut back, but they are still in the habit of going to you for answers (they obviously perceive you as a competent person). Take their actions as a compliment. But this also means that letting go of you is not going to come easy or naturally for them, so you will need to be the one to really make this happen. Perhaps you have ambivalent feelings about being less available to the organization and that is also making it hard for you to say "no." You wish they would just get the message and not put you through that discomfort. You may find that your hardest battle is really with yourself. I remember a time in my life when I needed to cut back on my professional work to make room for some family responsibilities. Every time I had to say "no," I felt uncomfortable and guilty - practically tortured, and I felt angry that I kept being asked! Others certainly were not aware of this discomfort that their requests were causing me. I needed to make peace with my self about my decision, first. If that feels like your situation at all, here is what you need to do: Set time aside to sit down with yourself and make a plan.

Decide exactly what you want to comfortably give to the organization of your self, time, energy, and what you need to give up, and then commit to your decision. I don't know what kinds of limits would work best. See what feels right for you, then limit yourself in some concrete way: either in terms of hours, days, activities, but then make the specific limits clear to yourself and then to others. The more specific you can be with the structure, the easier it will be for all of you to follow through. For example, "I will be available for... from 12 to 2 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Bring it up to me then, or if it can't wait then go to _____." or "I only answer my e-mails Monday -Wednesday" "I am no longer in charge of... " Or ask that you be e-mailed rather than called, if the phone calls are an issue, or set a certain time for phone calls. You need to commit to following through on these limits, even when it feels hard. I don't think you necessarily need to "get tough" - just be yourself, but say a definite "no" when it is beyond the parameters you set. Perhaps you could put it in a memo, along with the names of the other people they should go to instead of you. Refer back to the memo when you are then approached with a task outside the limits.

If none of this feels right to you, a more drastic option would be that you take a short leave from being a volunteer for the organization for a few weeks; let them know you need to settle in to your other responsibilities and figure out what time you will have left to give to them, and then you will be back on some basis.

After people get used to your new level of involvement, you may be able to go back to a more flexible approach to volunteering if you decide you prefer that style to these structured limits. I wish you the best!

When volunteers don't follow through on commitments

Question from Cassie:

What has happened to common courtesy? Individuals make commitments, but then they don't follow through. If you follow up too closely, you feel like a nag, but if you don't follow up, things often fall through the cracks. Most often, it's with volunteers. We've made it clear to our volunteers that we will be using e-mail as much as possible to communicate with them, and the vast majority says that is fine. But at least half of them don't bother to respond, even when we say we just need a "yes" or "no" so we can plan our schedules. Others do RSVP and just don't show up when they say they will. Others show up late. And it's not just e-mail. It's the same with returning phone calls.

And I don't feel it's because my standards are too high. I talk with others I know (not just animal welfare people, but others in the professional world.) They have the same concerns. It seems pervasive in our society. Customer service doesn't seem to exist anymore, but we want our organization to be responsive to the community we serve. It's hard to do that when our volunteers fail to follow through.

How do we decide when it's worth it to keep trying? At what point should we decide to cut someone loose? Do we just lay it on the line for our volunteers? Do we say, "Do you still consider yourself a volunteer for our organization, or would you like us to remove you from our organization chart?" Or do we continue to cater to them in hopes they'll do something, no matter how small or seldom, to help us out?

It's so hard to find committed volunteers that you hate to get tough with them. Seriously, all we want is for people to say "yes" when they mean "yes" and "no" when they mean "no" and to return e-mails and phone calls. We can plan around the rest. "I'll try" has become my least favorite phrase.

Linda Harper's response:

I agree that it seems like the common social graces are often lost in our modern society today - sometimes the human element is missing altogether in our high tech world of automated voices and computerized responses! You sound very frustrated and a bit angry. You have strong values and ideas about good service and follow-through, and that is commendable! But, you can only do what you can do. You may find more peace of mind when you recognize and accept the limited control you have over the decisions that others make in this regard.

With that said, there are still some things that you can do to create positive change and a better attitude among volunteers. One place to start is by giving volunteers the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they are sensing that people in the organization do not see them as responsible or important to the organization, so they may be less inclined to act in responsible and helpful ways. Remember, they originally offered their services and wanted to be of help. They want to give. They may just need to be redirected. Perhaps they would do better with a little more structure and understanding of their roles in the organization. I have noticed that sometimes volunteers think that the nature of volunteering is that you do it when you "feel like it." They actually do not see their true value and the importance of their commitment and follow through. They think of themselves as just "extra" and so they may not think it matters if they do not decide until the last minute. Assuming you are in the role of volunteer coordinator, you may want to consider calling a meeting of volunteers and address all of these issues you mentioned head-on. Make the meeting very upbeat and positive. Rather than scolding them for not following through or taking their responsibilities seriously, emphasize how important they are to the organization and that with such value comes responsibility and the need for others to know as soon as possible what the volunteers are willing to commit to and follow through with. You might want to spell out in the meeting, in an e-mail or a memo, what kinds of "common courtesies" are expected of them and the reasons why those timely responses are necessary.

Perhaps at the same time, you may want to add something to the policy manual or even to the agreement that is signed by volunteers that includes guidelines and expectations about some of these issues. For example, make sure when a volunteer signs up for an event that included in the description are things like being on time, canceling with notice, etc.

When you really need to know for sure and within a time limit if a volunteer can make it, phrase your e-mail in such a way that "no response is a response." For example, the e-mail would say, " We want your help in... We need a final count by... Please respond by _____, or we will assume you are not interested in helping with this event." You can always leave a message or write an e-mail assuming "no" unless they tell you differently. That way, you will not be left hanging. If they try to say "yes" at the last minute, you can let them know it is too late, or depending on the need, let them help but let them know it won't always be the case. When you can be more flexible about time of response, then let them know that. When you can't, offer a brief explanation as to why there is such a deadline.

Finally, to address your issue about removing volunteers: Of course, this is always an option. I have found that sometimes volunteers just need to be moved to a different area of the organization that fits their talents and style of giving and then their energy level soars! However, if you feel like someone is not contributing at all, depending on the policies of your organization, one approach might be suggesting that the volunteer seems to be too busy with other things right now and perhaps he/she needs a few weeks/month "break." You will put them on "leave" until they contact you when they are more available to volunteer. You always want to weigh out the needs and resources of the organization when making these kinds of decisions.

Thanks for writing. You have brought up issues that many volunteer organizations of all kinds find themselves faced with.

Turning negative conversations about others back to positive

Question from Celeste:

Can you suggest some inoffensive ways to turn a conversation back toward the positive when one or two people in a group start to bash someone? For example, a bunch of animal lovers are chatting and someone brings up "THAT" rescue group that everyone loves to hate. How can we get the conversation back on a proactive track without seeming self-righteous or making the criticizer feel criticized?

Linda Harper's response:

This is a terrific question and I am open to any ideas that others may have found that work. Feel free to write in. A little understanding of everybody can go along way. Let's start with the criticizers. It is so human to fall into this trap of criticizing another person or group that is trying to help. People helping animals often have a lot of understandable anger because of the ways they have seen some people treat animals. Since these animals are often the innocent victims, this anger that animal helpers feel often becomes a motivating force for getting things done; and for becoming the rescuer of the animals. Sometimes the feeling is that: "We animal people are the only ones who can help! We need to get the animals away from all of these other 'bad people'" These are the people we are really angry with, but we expect nothing from them because we see them as unable to care for animals. "

But we DO expect a lot from the other animal-caring people who we believe should know better! That is why "they" often become such a target of our criticism. So when "THAT" group holds a view or two different from us, all of that other anger we might be harboring for the people who have not taken care of their pets gets directed to other people, who are also advocating for the animals - but different from our way.

So with that understanding in mind, what can you do to re-direct these kinds of negative conversations? You can approach the bashers with understanding for their feelings, but in a caring, honest and straightforward manner, give them some things to think about.

Here are a few things to try. Choose an approach that matches your own personal style:

1. "Telling the truth" approach: You might run the risk of being offensive in your attempt to stop "bashing," but remember, just because someone feels offended, does not mean that you said something you shouldn't have. So it might be worth taking a chance of offending a criticizer a bit by speaking the truth and saying, " Even though some of the ideas of these other groups can be irritating and even wrong to us, we should try to remember that all of the groups are trying to deal with a really big issue out there, a problem of not enough homes for all of the animals - and the goal we ALL agree upon - achieving a time when all animals have loving homes. None of us and none of these other groups (including the one being bashed) created the problem. It's not going to be good for the growth of this humane movement in general if we keep picking on each other!"

2. "My personal needs" approach. Sometimes just a comment like this: "Personally, I need to stay focused on the positive to keep my morale up; this kind of talk brings me down; how about if we talk about something else?"

3. "Benefit of the doubt" approach: You could say something like, "I think they mean well, and they do not really understand that by doing what they are doing, they are encouraging people to give up their pets - I wonder if there is someone from their organization we could talk to do about that or even an article we could send them?"

4. "Look on the bright side" approach: You could say "Did you know that although they do have that view or action (the one that is annoying and different), did you realize, though, that they have accomplished ______________ (positive results they have made) for the animals?"

5. "Need more information" approach: You might say, "You know, I really do not know if they still do that, or if that really happens on a regular basis, or if what we hear is true about them. Why don't I see what I can find out? Then we will go from there. "

Raising consciousness when Board members breed animals

Question from Sheryl:

One of the animal society/shelter organizations I volunteer with has a Board Member who breeds purebred puppies. I hardly know what to say when she hands me photos of the latest adorable ones, other than, "Awww!" But what I really want to do is hand her a card for the spay/neuter clinic.

This may become very sticky, because I have been asked to join this Board. I will not ask the other Board Members to become vegans (though I will request that they serve vegetarian meals at events). But, what on earth can I do to help raise the Board's consciousness about this breeder's being on the animal society/shelter's Board while modeling anti-no more homeless pets behavior? Shouldn't she know better?

Linda Harper's response:

Your type of situation is one that many people out there helping animals find themselves facing. At the risk of sounding repetitive, I still must offer two principles that apply to your questions. A little understanding can go a long way. And there are no easy answers.

Isn't it wonderful how in the last 20 years, more and more people are becoming interested in animals and now describe their pets as family members! More dogs and cats than ever before are sleeping in beds with their human companions and the amount of money people spend on toys and grooming, medical treatment, special diets and treats, camps and daycare for their pets are soaring. People are interested in animal programs on television radio, newspapers and magazines. The past 10 years show a sharp increase in the number of animal welfare organizations that have formed.

And although there is still a long way to go, society today is much more aware of the problems of pet overpopulation and animal abuse and the benefits from adoption an animal from a shelter. For the true animal lover, however, caring for animal completely is just the way things should be and probably how the natural animal lover has always felt. It doesn't feel like a big effort. But in actuality, caring for animals on this level is still a relatively new societal/cultural development... and definitely progress!

So, we need to realize that there will be people who are just discovering the wonderfulness of animals but are not at a point where they can necessarily see or do the whole complete picture. It is important for us to understand and accept people for where they are at when it comes to the animals. Although I too, am vegan, I have not been my whole life, but gradually saw how this kind of eating was more consistent with the whole picture of animal welfare. I have known caring people who freely give much time and energy and love to animals, and will even risk their lives to save an animal, or ring up a big credit card debt for their pet's medical treatment, but they still eat meat. Their efforts and contributions in behalf of the animals still count! Our society as a whole has a long way to go in the kind of eating habits and behavior it encourages in regard to the animals. We surely don't want to alienate or exclude the people who want to help the animals but may still have some of these other behaviors or habits that seem to contradict their love for animals. Everybody has to get to their own place and at their own pace.

There are no easy answers to dealing with these situations and what can feel like contradictions to the true animal lover. We can certainly let others know our views and share information with them. Becoming informed is often what is needed for an animal person to see the need to change a habit that is not animal friendly. Of course, we need to be true to ourselves and find that balance between having the courage to express our views, while still allowing others to have theirs. We can try to be understanding while still disagreeing.

On an individual/personal level, providing understanding with gentle informing of the facts along with your views is the best way to deal with people who want to help the animals but may be also engaging in some behavior that is not helpful at the same time. One approach is to express your view and perhaps have an article or piece of research or statistic that supports that view and ask the person if they were aware of this and "would they like to read it?" Or a statement like, "Many of the people I have met in animal welfare think that... Did you know that? What do you think? What would that be like for you to change that?" Sometimes people were totally unaware and sometimes they know, but are struggling to change and just haven't gotten there yet. After we speak our minds, we need to let go of it, allow people to figure out their own comfort level and rate of change - still modeling our beliefs and being available if they have more questions or want our support.

Animal welfare organizations, societies and boards, however, will probably determine their own policies about membership such as tolerance of pet breeding among members, and kinds of meals served at events, and I'm sure that can be tricky. Individual member and volunteers, then, must respect the policies that have been chosen; while still voicing their opinions and views and choosing what they want to be involved with.

When people write with constant requests for help but never take action themselves

Question from Carrie:

I work for a large humane society that gets a lot of requests for help from other organizations and private rescues. There is one woman who contacts us ceaselessly for help. She writes these extremely long e-mails that are just filled with questions. Each time it's a new project she is working on or is hoping to take on. To respond thoroughly to each question she asks in these e-mails can easily take half an hour or an hour. If we do hear back from her on that topic, it's either her writing to explain how she can't do the things that have been laid out in our response, or to ask a pile more questions (and I mean these are really detailed questions).

Then the next month she's on to a new project, and there's never any sign she's followed through on any of the previous projects. We really want to help people who are helping the animals. Of course, we're also extremely busy. It takes a lot of our time to respond to her, and she never seems to do anything with the information we put together for her. We've tried a few different approaches with her (brevity in responses, delay in responses, and flat-out explaining that no one else is going to be able to give her all the answers and that at some point she just has to start actually working on these programs).

Nothing has worked. Do you have any suggestions on how we can respond to her in ways that give her what she needs, but don't take a ton of our time, and don't make us look bad (it's hard to be clear about our needs and situation without seeming rude)?

Linda Harper's response:

I must say that it sounds to me like you have been very patient, tried many things already, have not been quick to judge her, and have gone well "above and beyond the call of duty." While I make it a policy not to officially diagnose people based on second hand information, I do believe it is safe for me to say we are dealing with somebody with a dysfunctional obsessive-compulsive style. She engages in repetitive, maladaptive and unproductive interactions/behavior. And although she may have good intentions, her needs and demands from you will only increase as her obsessive-compulsiveness expands. Her needs are bottomless. Nothing is ever enough for this kind of person - they keep needing to get more and more information. The more they get, the more they need. They cannot carry through on a task because they are never ready; they "haven't got all the necessary facts yet." And they never will.

Persons with obsessive-compulsive tendencies are usually practical and logical thinkers. They want to be right. They want to come up with perfect answers before making any kind of move. They expect others to become part of this process with them. They can be extremely time-consuming, yet nothing gets done. They have difficulty empathizing with others because they are not in tune with the emotional side of things. They have completely unrealistic expectations about what others can do for them; and rarely show appreciation for the time, work or energy someone gave them, even when it is well beyond that person's job or responsibility. From the perspective of the obsessive-compulsive person, the other person still hasn't done enough, since the problem is not yet solved. There is usually a pattern of inflexibility, preoccupation with details, and perfectionism in their approach to work that interferes with getting tasks completed or even started. Yet they present themselves as people who are totally dedicated to the job and always busy working. Usually they have little or no social life and do not relate to people on a personal basis. It is not surprising that she is communicating through e-mail. It is an easy way for people with these kinds of traits to really indulge themselves in details without getting any interruptions from the other person (that they would normally get on the phone or in person).

Now with that understanding of what you might be dealing with, here are some additional strategies for you in dealing with her and others with obsessive-compulsive traits.

1. Stay on top of your own limits because this person will most likely have no thought whatsoever for your needs, other responsibilities, etc. and cannot realistically assess (or even thinks to do that) what is a fair amount of your time, or that her requests are unreasonable. She is too centered on her own thinking.

2. Don't get into any kind of debate with her, this will accomplish nothing but probably result in longer e-mails from her.

3. Set up some very structured limits with her and spell them out clearly and then follow through with no exceptions. These limits are based on what you, as a person who does know how to prioritize and get things done, have determined as reasonable. Here are some possibilities: Tell her she must limit her e-mails to 2 paragraphs, one question, one project, one page, 200 words - that is all you will read per e-mail or per project. Whatever method of limitation works best for you. Let her know that you or the team of helpers at the Humane Society, have decided that you can only help people work on one project at a time. Your team has decided that it is not helpful to her, other people, or the animals to just go from one project to another. She can write one idea and you will give her feedback and then you will not respond again to an e-mail from her until she has worked out a plan and given it a good 3 -month trial period. The sad reality is that she probably is not going to be able follow through on any of them - but she will always have her reasons.

4. You need to not worry about whether or not she might think you are being rude. If you do not limit her, her needs (and e-mails) will continue to grow larger and larger. Any time she presents with some new demands or requests, you need to decide immediately what parameters and limits you want to put on them, very clearly spell them out to her, and then follow through with them, regardless of her reaction.

5. This is a long shot, but if she really wants to help the animals in some way, I wonder if she could do be directed to do some kind of background research or gathering of information that would somehow relate to helping animals. She is probably good at collecting information of various kinds (but should not be asked to summarize it,) just collect it, or she could probably be of help working on a database (with very specific guidelines), activities that do not require her to problem solve, make decisions on her own, or interact too much with people.

Getting people to implement ideas not just give them

Question from Linda:

I think my biggest challenge in managing the people side of animal work. How do we really convince people that it requires a lot of effort to keep things working well and that it is easier to generate a ton of good ideas than it is to plan and actually implement all of them at once - that our work requires persistence and some patience and compromise too?

I'd like to know better how to respond when some of the complaints are very understandable and agreed on, and then others seem to come out of left field. I also would love more help on how to avoid having delegated tasks come back home to me to do! I know that my group needs to hold more internal meetings, but it's frustrating to work hard to put together a meeting and then find that it isn't well attended.

Hmmmm. I think I've asked for MORE than my share of advice in this one!!! :-) Thanks - NMHP always seems to come up with a topic that is JUST what I need help on at the time.

Linda Harper's response:

You are right; managing the people side of animal work can be a big challenge but it can also be rewarding when you see your organization grow with dedicated helpers with varying gifts and talents to offer. I sense an underlying theme to all of the questions that you asked me. It seems like perhaps you (as the manager), and the staff/volunteers are not seeing/feeling or experiencing the functioning of the organization in the same way. You seem ready to move the organization forward with specific tasks and problem solving, while your particular group may be not feeling up to performance at that level at this time. I have a hunch that they need some emotional things addressed before they can be fully productive. And it is also possible that they are sensing some of your frustration.

The complaining that you mentioned was the clue for me. When you are dealing with a lot of complaints, some agreed upon and some from left field as you put it, this can be a sign that people are feeling stressed out. So the complaints may not always seem logical because they are coming from the persons' emotional side - usually from people feeling overwhelmed or stressed out and not sure what else to do.

So while you want to empathize with them, and address the complaint at hand, you may also want to see what kinds of stress-reduction assistance might be needed for the group. Are there some particular animal issues or emotions that they are struggling with? What is causing them to feel so stressed out and possibly ineffective? Rather than setting up another internal meeting to problem solve, that will result in low attendance anyway, you might want to try something totally different.

Hold a meeting that is fun, one that is meant to be a morale booster and a stress reducer. A meeting that could help the cohesiveness of the group on an emotional level rather than on a productive problem solving level. And with this atmosphere, you may also get a better chance to see what is causing them stress, emotional discomfort, or lower productivity. Just like it can be very worthwhile in the long run to relax and take time off and care for ourselves when needed, it can also be productive in the long run to have a meeting with no real other purpose than for staff/volunteers to relax, to get together and have fun with each other. This kind of meeting may also help stop the pattern of low attendance.

The other clue I had that possibly indicates that you and your staff/volunteers might not be on the same page is the delegated tasks that come back to you. There can be a variety of reasons for this, but the more common reasons are miscommunication, not understanding the task, not feeling confident that they can do what is being asked of them, feeling already at their limit or overwhelmed, or not really wanting to do the task but unable to say "no" at the time. So they just don't do it. If possible, before delegating you might want to explore with the volunteers what they want to do, and then when you get the commitment, nail it down with parameters and necessary time deadlines. Make sure that they know what they are agreeing to! Or, if it is a required part of their job, be very clear about the task. Explore with them why they have not been able to get it done before and what you can do to help them get it done.

Now about your frustration with ideas vs. follow through... Wasn't it Thomas Edison who said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration??? I can empathize with your frustration with all of the idea -makers who lack the planning and follow through. This is a common observation experienced by a lot of people who are in the position of planning out the steps to make an idea happen. Until people really finds themselves in the step by step process of things, they have NO IDEA how much work is really involved in one simple idea that was thought-up in a couple of minutes! One thing that you can do is let people know that you are all for good ideas, but you need them to also use their creative minds to come up with the plan and the steps to make it happen as well.

Since it is their idea, they are the ones who can also best come up with a plan. When they start to express the idea, you can encourage their enthusiasm but then direct it toward coming up with the specific next steps. Make them responsible for checking out its feasibility and whom can they get to be part of the hard work. Perhaps they can even find another volunteer to work out the plan with them. Then encourage them to share the idea once again with you or the group, after they have established a workable plan.

Dealing with "eccentric" animal people

Question from a member:

How can you deal with people who seem to be a more off the rocker than most? They are kind and want to help, but I am afraid people might think badly of our group if they have to talk with them. Instead of keeping to the point at meetings or public events, they tend to start telling stories and go off on a tangent. I tend to hear, "Well the animal group just has a bunch of nuts in it" and I don't want that to be true. Do you keep them behind the scenes? Do you cut them off politely at meetings? I don't want to be rude, and I appreciate their help, I just need direction in dealing with them.

Linda Harper's response:

I appreciate the fact that you are writing for advice and indicate that that you are willing to try to work with these, shall we say, "more eccentric" personalities. People problems often involve finding that right balance between the organization's needs and with the amount of time and energy a problem person in an organization might require so that he/she is a productive, functional and a helpful part of the group.

The group needs to stay focused to achieve their goals of helping the animals, but at the same time, it needs to be open and accepting of the individual personalities and differences. And then there is also our desire to model and promote compassion and kindness to all living creatures - not just the animals, but the people, too. We animal people certainly are willing to work with the odd animals aren't we? I know that sometimes it can feel like the people problems interfere with helping the animals and take up too much time. But then we hate to lose a helping hand and giving heart if there is a way to work with or around a particular problem.

Personality problems can be seen as occurring on a spectrum from being a little unusual or eccentric, to socially inappropriate at times, and all the way to interpersonally impaired. We often do not know for a while what the depth of a personality issue might be until a person has been involved for a while. So the first place to start is assuming the best. These people need coaching on basic communication, social skills and appropriate behavior. There are a couple ways that you could do this. If it is just one person, take him or her aside and start out with positive appreciation for their efforts. You are not criticizing who they are, but addressing their actions. Then let them know that there are a few things they need to work on if they want to be involved in this upcoming event.

You can even let them know that it is important that the organization be seen a certain way so it can continue to thrive in the community. While you might understand their desire to tell these long-winded off the subject stories (or whatever it might be) they need to stay focused and stick with these following topics or statements. And then spell it out for them. And also let them know, for the best interest of the group and the animals, they need to let others talk in the meetings, and you are going to cut them off when they are not able to stop appropriately. You may even need to offer a little written script for them for their role involving certain social interactions. You may want to role play with them the situations that they are mishandling.

People like the ones you describe usually do best when given specific concrete structuring (i.e. examples and instructions). Often the inappropriate interactions can be eliminated if they are given specific scripts to follow. The emphasis is that this is not personal. You still like them, but that these behaviors need to be changed for the best interest of the group and animals.

If there seems to be a group of individuals with these problem behaviors, you might consider holding a brief extra "training session" on whatever the problem area is: "Talking with People at an Adoption" or "How to Keep our Organization at its Best", with a list of do's and don'ts, and again, specific scenarios and role playing.

I know that a lot of this takes time, but sometimes this kind of coaching can be worthwhile. It helps the organization and the animals, and you are also helping a person out too. Another option is to pair the more interpersonally-challenged volunteer with one who is especially socially skilled. This can help offset their remarks while giving them a chance to see how things should be communicated. Depending on the resources in your group or community, or even the individual volunteers, you could also see if there are any seminars or workshops the volunteers could attend on communication skills. If it seems appropriate, you could also suggest counseling or a self-help group.

If the personality problems seem deeper than these suggestions can help, you need to make some tough decisions. Is it possible to keep the volunteer behind the scenes? Can this volunteer stay with the group? If nothing seems to work and you believe the organization is suffering, you may have to let the person know that certain behaviors/actions cannot be tolerated and then document their actions. If you give them chances and then warnings and they are still not able to control the problem behavior, you will need to tell them that it is just not working out and let them go.

Dealing with the emotional roller coaster of working in a shelter

Question from Deb:

I have been at my shelter for 5 years & have seen many people & animals come & go. It has become harder over the years not to absorb the emotion of loss felt by owners who release a pet & animals who lose their home or life. Every loss has begun to feel like my own.

This business is an emotional roller coaster. We must move from the mourning client to the irate client within minutes & change our emotion to match the current situation. It is no wonder that communication suffers & complaints are made. It would be helpful to step away for a few minutes after an intense situation, but there are usually more people waiting for us. They will complain if kept too long. How do we keep the angry, unkind, frustrating people from sapping our strength and affecting our ability to have normal communication with the average client?

Linda Harper's response:

Great question and one to which many of us can relate I'm sure. I know I do! An "emotional roller coaster" is a great description for what so many caring and compassionate animal people go through when trying to help our furry friends and fellow human beings. This intensity and range of emotions that come along with trying to help is one of the reasons people in this field of work (staff and volunteers) are so susceptible to burnout. The emotional demands are high! So it is especially important to listen to and care for your own feelings and needs.

As both a psychologist listening to people's stress, sadness and loss everyday and a long-time volunteer in animal welfare, I have experienced similar struggles to "not absorb" the emotions of others. There are no easy answers but there are a few things I can suggest that can help:

1. Be accepting of your own feelings; allow yourself to have them. While there are some strategies that can help you from feeling overwhelmed by them, there are also times when we just have to accept our emotional "downs" and the heartache we feel about a situation, and not expect ourselves to bounce right back and on to the next! We need to give ourselves some time and space for our sadness and grief. Maybe the "next person in line" expects us to be cheerful and attentive, and we can't be. Perhaps you can say, "I just had a very difficult or sad situation; please excuse me if I don't seem to be as attentive as you like. I do care about your problem and will do the best that I can." Or try, "Sorry for the delay, but I will be with you as soon as I can."

If you really need a few minutes to recuperate, please find a way to take it, even if it is in the form of an extra long bathroom break! Sometimes it seems to me like animal helpers think they are supposed to be superhuman. Just because someone else expects you to be a certain way, does not mean that's what you must be! Which leads into strategy #2:

2. Don't try to be someone that you aren't, even if others are asking this of you. Sometimes our sense of self can feel lost in a day with multiple problems, sadness and angry people telling us we are not helpful or not doing what they need. This is where it becomes so essential to maintain your own strong sense of who we are. You can be open to feedback, but not let hurtful words pierce your soul. When I have had clients express dissatisfaction with my services, it sure doesn't feel good - but I am able to tell myself that I did the best that I could for that person within whatever my knowledge and limitations are.

Their dissatisfaction may reflect their own personal issues, or an incompatible match and perhaps some other therapist will work out better for them. Perhaps there is something I can learn from the feedback that will help me handle a similar situation different in the future. But I don't want to let it devastate me or take away from my sense of self as a therapist or my confidence in my ability to work with all of the other people. If you find yourself repeatedly in situations that seem to ask you to be who you are not, there may be an incompatibility. You may want to consider finding a different way or place to share your talents.

3. Stay true to yourself. As you approach the next person or animal, be pro-active. You are bringing your authentic self, including your heart, your experience, and your knowledge to the situation. You can say to yourself, "I am ready to bring myself to this next problem. It might be really hard but I am fully present and that is all I can be right now." The idea is to bring YOU confidently to the situation; rather than feeling like you are laying yourself wide open to react to whatever someone brings you. Remember, the people asking you to do certain things for them do not necessarily know what is best. We need to be able to separate ourselves out from what they want long enough to assess the situation and do what we think is needed. A volunteer once told me that before she begins each shift she prays that she will be open for God to use her gifts to help in the way He sees as best. This allows her to stay focused on her purpose and abilities, and she is then less likely to find herself feeling that she must react and respond to whatever demands and requests come her way.

4. Stay focused on whom you are and what you are trying to do to help. Depending on the kind of place you are involved with, you could see any range or degree of situations that are upsetting. It is so important to remember that you are trying to help as best you can but you cannot do it all. You did not create these problems, but you are trying to be part of the solution. You are an important part of the big picture that so many animal lovers all over the world are working so hard to achieve: that day when all pets have a loving home. You are important; but you're only one person, and if you get used up, then there is one less important person out there advocating for our furry friends. So the time you need to give to you (outside of your work with the animals) is equally important and necessary for you to be able to keep on helping. Each day is a new day to offer your gifts and talents as best you can, while still taking care of you.

When Board Members overreact and cause bad feelings with staff

Question from Diane:

I am the President of the Board of a relatively large SPCA. We have weathered a number of storms as a result of resolving not to euthanize healthy adoptable or treatable animals. The Board Members we have now are all firmly in favor of saving lives and are very good people. The problem I am encountering involves three elderly Members of the Board, two of whom are very involved in the running of the shelter. They perform valuable service for us, but they also tend to overreact to relatively minor problems and blow things out of proportion. This causes bad feelings when it involves staff members. My problem is how to deal with their issues in a diplomatic way, while still setting limits on their intrusions into the work of our professionals. I am a therapist too, but this is a different ball game.

Linda Harper's response:

I certainly agree with you, a fellow therapist, that this is a different ball game. And while I can offer some ideas from the psychological perspective and my experience as a therapist, consultant and volunteer, I believe that managing and dealing with Board Members is an entire HUGE field of knowledge, expertise and experience in and of itself!

So the first thing I'd like to do is recommend additional resources, including websites that offers many articles and information on all kinds of topics related to a Board - including the common people issues. One is http://www.mapfornonprofits.org/, and another is http://www.boardsource.org/. These websites also provide recommended books on Boards. They offer workshops and seminars, some online. The National Center for Nonprofit Boards also offers free booklets and materials. Their number is 1-800-883-6262.

If people out there have found other websites, books or resources regarding Boards particularly helpful, please write in. I believe a lot of this material is invaluable. I also know that you probably already feel like you do not have much extra time to read, but you may be able to find one or two articles that apply to your specific situation and that could prove to be quite helpful.

There may also be some things you can do in the way you structure the agenda of the meetings to diplomatically control their micromanaging behavior. And of course, depending on what the guidelines are for your SPCA, Board Policy and Bylaws may be able to support you in your attempts to limit their strong involvement in the running of the shelter. If this is the case, you simply need to spell out their limits to them in a very clear way and then follow through with enforcement.

Sometimes the forming of committees within the Board can diffuse the power of one or two and help contain what the different members are involved with. If you really see no way to diffuse their power from a Board policy standpoint, then it is always worth a try to just go ahead and bring up the problem that you see and the effects that their overreactions seem to have on the staff and the atmosphere for the animals as well.

While they think their interference helps the animals, they need to be gently but truthfully and without a lot of dramatics or emotion shown the negative effects this behavior has on everyone as well. Usually the best way to approach this would be to first, empathize with what these members are trying to accomplish - what their concerns are. Remind them that you and the staff all have those same compassion and goals for the animals but perhaps a different view as to how to accomplish them. Remind them that the organization has "weathered a number of storms" and you are all on the same page. The more positive and cooperative the working atmosphere is, the more that will get done and the better it is for the animals. Then, in a matter of fact, problem-solving manner, offer alternative ways that they can present their ideas. Is there some way they would be willing to address these concerns without jumping right in and "blowing things out of proportion?" They may need to be shown that it is in the best interest of everybody if these differences could be presented in a calm and cooperative manner.

Defeating the "we tried that and it doesn't work" attitude

Question from a member:

A few years ago I joined the local humane society, a small group of older people who had been helping animals for many years. Whenever I or another new member made a suggestion the response was, "We tried that before, and it didn't work." I saw others driven away by this attitude and eventually I stopped going to meetings and now just make financial contributions. Do you have any suggestions in case I encounter this again or someone else is facing the same obstacle?

Linda Harper's response:

This is such an interesting question, because yesterday one of the questions I received came from the other side of this issue. I was asked what to do about people who are good at coming up with new ideas for an agency to try, but do not seem to consider the planning and the steps to follow through with the idea. I imagine there must be a happy medium here that can satisfy both sides since good ideas and plan implementations go hand in hand.

Since you are describing a group that has been helping for many years, these people have probably already been through what it feels like to jump on to some new ideas that are given to them, only to find there are no detailed plans or the manpower for the ideas to be carried out. Probably after being burned a few times with good ideas but nothing to show for them, they have become a bit cynical about all NEW ideas from NEW people (people who in their eyes may want to be helpful, but are a bit naive about how things really work). So they are too quick to say no. While this is an understandable reaction, it's not the best approach, because they may also be passing by some good ideas that could move the organization forward. Plus they are driving away people like you, who could be additional help to their cause.

So what could be done to try to work around this attitude? We really do not know how rigid or set in their ways the naysayers are going to be. So, again assuming the best, I would try to give them what I think they need to be more receptive to a new idea. I would recommend that you do not present a new idea to them in its rough-draft, very general form. Wait until the idea is fairly well developed with step-by-step plans. Revise it; bounce the idea off some other people; do some research to see what other agencies have done something like your idea and what the results were.

Of course, you run the risk of putting in a lot of time and effort into a project and still getting a "no" from them, but I think it would be worthwhile to you anyway. You will have a good idea with a plan that you might decide to then take to another animal group if this one is not interested. You may find that you need to revise your initial idea a few times to make it a workable plan. That will be a good learning experience for you, while increasing the odds that the idea you do finally present has a good chance of being heard and also of succeeding. If your initial presentation of the idea has research to back it up that shows how a similar idea produced great results in another city, that is pretty powerful!

Plus, you could also find out shortcuts from an organization that has implemented a similar plan to yours. They may also share with you the pitfalls to avoid, as well as some of the tools needed that they have already created or gathered - making the implementation of the plan even easier and smoother. Perhaps you could consider getting a couple of the other new members with fresh ideas to combine efforts with one of your ideas and establish a plan. The more detailed the better. I guess it is similar to what I have learned about the purpose of a business plan to try and obtain a bank loan. The more realistic, detailed and thought-through the plan seems to be, the more likely it is that the bank will decide in your favor. You will be worth the risk to them.

This same concept could apply. You want to show these people (who are clearly knowledgeable and experienced in what it's like to have ideas work and not work) that you have gone farther than just brainstorming. You recognize their time is valuable and they are spending it doing what they know does work. Since you are the "new idea on the block" that can present a "risk" to how things go. You need to let them know that you are also willing to shoulder a lot of that extra time and work and provide the majority of the help to get it started.

We'll see how far we can push the old saying, "It's all in the presentation!"

What to do with Board members who show no leadership or follow through

Question from Mary Jo:

What do you do with lazy Board Members? It seems we have some people who have been good volunteers with great ideas, but once they get on the Board they stop attending events and never volunteer for anything, always having an excuse. Then there are others who have been on the Board for years and never show leadership ability, don't follow through, and wait to be asked to do everything, exhibiting no initiative.

Linda Harper's response:

You sound very frustrated with people who are in helping positions but aren't really doing anything!

As I explained in another response on this forum, while I can offer the psychological perspective from my experience as a therapist, consultant and volunteer, I believe that managing and dealing with Board members is an entire HUGE field of knowledge, expertise and experience in and of itself! So the first thing I'd like to do is recommend additional resources including websites that offers many articles and information on all kinds of topics related to a Board, including the common people issues. One is http://www.mapfornonprofits.org, and the other is http://www.boardsource.org. These websites also provide recommended books on Boards. They offer seminars and workshops, some online. The National Center for Nonprofit Boards also offers free booklets and materials. Their number is 1-800-883-6262. You are likely to find at least one or two articles that apply to your specific situation and that could prove to be quite helpful.

There may also be some things you can do in the way you structure the agenda of the meetings to gently push the members to become more involved. And of course, depending on what the guidelines are for your organization, the Board Policies and Bylaws may be able to support you in a basic requirement for involvement and actions to follow if they are not met. If this is the case, you simply need to spell out their limits to them in a very clear way and then follow through with enforcement. Sometimes the forming of committees within the Board can also help specify what kinds of things need to be done and then directly ask people to specifically commit to certain tasks.

I am always in favor of trying to solve these problems with private honest and authentic talks with individuals. I do believe that sometimes people are unaware of how their involvement or interest may be falling short. Sometimes as an organization grows and becomes more successful, the people who were there when it was much smaller feel a little lost. They may feel like their individual efforts are no longer important and that is part of the reason for their drop in involvement. It is important to not be quick to judge them. Remember that they still share the same values and desires for the animals, but something is causing them to be less active.

Again, as I have said many times, we want to give them the benefit of the doubt (that same compassion we would be willing to give to an animal we perceived as "lazy"). Try to help them get back on track where they are able to not only help the organization, but also enjoy the feeling of being involved again in meaningful and fulfilling experiences with the organization. So in addition to needing a little prompting, they may also need to hear that that they still are needed, perhaps just in a different way than they were needed before. They may need encouragement to try something new. They might also benefit from some guidance in determining what they would really like to be involved with in the agency. Or, with your understanding approach, they may confide in you about other personal matters going on in their lives, and they may really are needing to be relieved of some of their responsibilities or their position - even if just for a while. So be open to what they might bring to you.

Your second question about the Members that lack leadership and initiative is of a different nature. Leadership qualities can certainly be improved, but they usually cannot suddenly be developed in a person who does not naturally have them or who is not motivated or working hard to develop them. So if some Board Members lack leadership traits, this may be something that has to be accepted about who they are and worked around. What can they do to help that does not require such traits? Can they be paired up with a "leader" when they are in charge of certain events? Depending, again on the Policies and Bylaws, length of term, perhaps they would do better in other facets of the organization rather than being on the Board. Most people who are not natural leaders usually will prefer not to be in that position.

Inter personal conflict with a co-worker

Question from a member:

What can you do when you work with someone with whom you can't communicate clearly? I get along very well with all my co-workers except one. I feel as if she is constantly trying to "one up" me and make me look bad in front of volunteers and staff by taking my ideas or pointing out when I haven't finished something. I have tried to talk to her about how I was feeling, but we both ended up arguing and blaming each other. It feels like the situation is so far gone that we can't even communicate on basic things. I am now very defensive whenever she is around or in the conversation. I don't want to be this way, because I know it is not healthy. I honestly feel like our relationship is beyond repair, yet we still need to be able to work together.

Linda Harper's response:

That situation is a source of daily stress for you, so we need to think of some strategies to change what we can! Based on what you are saying, at least for right now, it doesn't seem like any more direct confrontation with each other would be helpful. I would not totally give up on the possibility, at a later date, of another attempt at communication between the two of you to try to work some of these issues out, or at least so you can agree to disagree. Right now you clearly need some distance from each other and the conflicts. When and if you decide to try a direct approach again, I would recommend that a third party, agreeable to both of you, be involved in the discussion.

So what can you do NOW to reduce the stress of your work environment that is a result of these interpersonal conflicts? I think the challenges of a soulful life: "The 3 A's: Authenticity, Acceptance and Appreciation" that I discuss in my books, offers a helpful way to view and experience this problem.

1. Authenticity: Be true to yourself. Stay focused on who you are and what your strengths, weaknesses and particular talents are. Regardless of what this coworker may try to do to "make you look bad" you know that you are doing the best you can, and that is all you can do. If you feel the need to let someone know that she has not been accurate in what she has reported about you, go ahead. Continue your relationships with the other coworkers in the way that is most natural for you.

Try to handle the conflicts that may come up with her in a mature, matter of fact manner. What matters the most is how you are feeling yourself about what you are doing. There will always be different views. Also, this will keep you focused on the parts about your job that fulfill you - your true self. Even with the conflicts, you want to remember the other people and the other parts of the job that feed your soul. You do not want her issues to interfere with the fulfillment that you get doing a job that is consistent with who you are.

2. Acceptance: When we embrace acceptance, we realize the good and the bad that comprise life and the world, and we realistically accept that there are many things we are not going to be able to change. While you would really love to get along with all of your coworkers, this is not the way it is. It sounds like you have already reached the realistic conclusion that you are not going to be able to change her, probably not even some of her actions that are hurtful to you. You indicate that you know your defensiveness is not healthy, but sometimes acceptance means that we can find ourselves in situations with no great options and all we can do is the best we can.

Acceptance also can mean coming to terms with who this person is and where she is. Perhaps she has some personal limitations in her own maturity and social development. The key is to accept that this is who she is; you do not need to take it personally. You also do not want to lower yourself to her level of relating if that involves telling false things about a person or boosting up yourself at the expenses of someone else. SO you don't want to get pulled into those kinds of interactions, but respond when necessary in a calm and cool, mature manner.

Along these lines, I would also recommend that whenever possible, for now, have minimal contact with her. Keep your distance, but go about your business and keep a friendly, pleasant disposition even when in her presence. When you must work together, make sure the lines of duties are very clearly spelled out and avoid any kind of task with her that requires cooperative problem solving. If there is a task that you two must do together, with another person present, plan exactly who will do what, but make the tasks separate if possible.

3. Appreciation: The challenge of Appreciation means that we learn to appreciate the complexities and the mysteries of life and our experiences - let things unfold the way they are meant to - trusting that it all works out for a greater purpose or vision. Sometime we just don't understand why we have to deal with certain kinds of stress or why people have to be the way they are; it just is that way. We try to be open to whatever the experience is - good or bad, and what we might be able to learn from it, and how we can use the lessons to help us in a future situation.

What to do when everyone is equally overwhelmed

Question from Hanna:

Our group has a handful of volunteers that are committed, but are burning out because of the responsibilities SOMEONE must do to take care of the organization. How can you break even a little bit loose when you know there is no one to help carry the load except for someone else equally overwhelmed? Our organization is growing fast, and we still have no paid staff. I'm sure that would help significantly, but lack of funds is a huge issue.

Linda Harper's response:

First of all, please don't forget to commend each other and yourselves on your commitment and decision to do something to get involved! Sometimes it is too easy to see what you are not accomplishing and not having enough time to do. You need to step back and look at what you have done and say to each other and yourself, "There might still be lots to do, but look at all these good things we have begun in a short amount of time!" Don't take all that you have completed for granted! You may as a group want to write down all of the things that you have accomplished, so that you can see how much it really is. The fact that your organization is growing fast certainly means that you are on the right track.

1. It is important for each of you (and collectively as a group) to recognize the limits of your capacity to help right now. You are all committed to the cause, so the strong foundation is already in place. That's a big thing done and you do not want to lose it! You will all need to continually remind yourself that the rest takes time - and always more than you think. You are still in the beginning/developmental stages of what your organization will grow and become and transform into for many years to come. You want to be careful not to compare yourselves with other groups that have already lived and learned and have been established for many years. At the No More Homeless Pets conferences, sometimes directors and members of newly developing organizations will tell me that they appreciate all the great sharing of ideas, but it can also make them feel inadequate after hearing the great things that other places are accomplishing.

2. Our heart will always be bigger than your hands. So it is important to keep the greater vision in mind. Perhaps you will come across a situation (or many) that you are not equipped to handle now, but down the road your organization will. It is important for your core group to keep yourselves replenished and alert and energetic. You must make that an essential priority! This will not only keep each of you personally going and the organization growing, but that kind of atmosphere (even with its need to set limits) will also attract more donors and volunteers.

3. Based on what you have written to me, it is clear that it cannot continue to operate the way it is right now, or you and the others will not be able to continue. As hard as it is, you need to focus on what you can do and what you cannot do right now, and eliminate some things. Even though you see it all as important, prioritize what your group will do. Determine what are the realistic things that you can all do; what services can you truly offer right now. This will be very different from what you all WANT to do, but you need to accept this reality.

In talking with so many start-up organizations in animal rescue and welfare, one thing I have learned is that the second you open your doors or become seen as a possible helper of animals, the requests for help and your awareness of needy animals is immediately overwhelming. You may need to make some difficult decisions about services you cannot offer at this time. After you have written down and discussed all of the many steps that you have already completed, then look ahead and begin to plan with a reasonable timetable, how you will continue to expand your ability to help. Remembering that you are working toward a greater vision for the organization will help you not feel quite as bad when you have to say no.

4. Then, take some time to research the other services available for helping animals in your area, that you can refer people to when you cannot help. Make a referral sheet that everybody has. Refer callers to the Best Friends booklet "How to Find Homes for Homeless Pets", and also the extensive information that is available online for individuals with animal issues. Of course, make sure in your organizational re-planning, that you allow plenty of time to recruit volunteers. They are essential to breaking the pattern that you have described. Only then when you have more of them aboard, will you begin to expand your limits of service. For now, set some firm guidelines and parameters, realizing you cannot try to do it all.

5. Finally, I strongly encourage you to reevaluate and reduce what you are doing; STOP doing some of the things you are doing, no matter how difficult and painful that can be. Let whoever is relying on your help (whether its the public or a rescue group or humane society) know about these necessary new limits. Otherwise you will burnout and not have an organization that can help at all. Better to limit what you all can do now, and be around a few years from now. I'm sure as I have, you have seen the tragic outcome when a small group tries to do too much too fast. They burn themselves right out of existence. Often, they are then at a desperate point of trying to find 50 homes for animals before their doors close. I know this is very hard when you have the needy person with the animal at the door, but that is where staying focused on the big picture comes in. You must continue to nurture each of you and the organization (not deplete it) if it is to grow and flourish into greater capabilities.

Good luck. And Thanks to you and all of the persons in your group for starting up such a worthwhile endeavor. You do make a difference and are part of the big exciting picture of NO MORE HOMELESS PETS!

Feeling frozen because of too many projects to do

Question from Susan:

I am Director of a very small shelter. We are always struggling for funds (who isn't?) and are often surviving month to month. I am feeling paralyzed right now and not sure what direction to go in, because the Board is constantly worried about the finances and urging me to raise more money. However, they aren't stepping in to help. They want me to plan more events, and write appeals, and get grants and corporate sponsorships.

Because we are so strained for funds I don't have any administrative staff to help me, so all this falls to me. I'm worrying about keeping the shelter open, overseeing shelter staff, raising funds, keeping the Board happy, and I am so overwhelmed and stressed out that I often just sit here looking at my piles and don't accomplish anything. I'm afraid if I ask the Board for help they are going to think I am not a good Director and not doing my job. How can I break this down into small manageable tasks to get started, and how can I let the Board know I need more help?

Linda Harper's response:

I can certainly sense the stress that you are feeling in your present role and situation. The "feeling paralyzed" that you described is what happens when a person feels overwhelmed by what they perceive as things they are being asked to do, but do not feel like they can do them. Since a person cannot even imagine getting it all done, it causes them too much anxiety to even look at any part of it, thus, the feeling of being frozen and not able to do anything at all.

For starters, you want to find another way to perceive the whole situation to make it seem more manageable, so you can begin the small steps. The best way to do this is through an assessment and plan of your own. It will be well worth your time and you will find it energizing for all.

1. You need to take a realistic assessment of what your shelter can and cannot do. You may want to determine this yourself first or with some of the shelter staff input. You need to get a fair sense of the tasks that need to be done and the time that they take. For yourself (and then later for the Board) you want to have a more detailed documentation of what kinds of things take time and energy for general functioning and for planning and development. Examine and record everything that you do and the time that it takes.

2. Based on this assessment, develop your own written plan of what kinds of hours from help are need for the basics and what kinds of things you see as needed to be done next. Include in this plan an estimated idea of the time and manpower it would take (per week, per day, project, whatever fits the needs of your place).

3. With this written plan, decide the steps that need to be taken to meet the goals, including recruiting volunteers. Estimate the time and energy needed for the volunteers.

4. Is there some way you can streamline the paper work? Not only will this help reduce the current boxes of paper, but it will reduce the rate at which they pile up again. Put it in the plan, and include time to recruit a volunteer or two to help out with administrative duties.

5. Your plan does not have to be perfectly written, or totally specific, or accurate to the hour. It is just a good assessment of things from someone who would know the best - you! Now, based on what the Board wants and what you see is needed, draft Part II, which describes your prioritizing of the next things needed to do and the number of people and of funds needed. List options with estimations.

6. Now you have a clearer idea of what needs to be done and how many hours or people it would take to catch it all up and be ready to take on new projects. You may be able to more clearly see why you have only been just staring at your piles of paper. Are you trying to fit them in after a 12 hour day, or is there really an easy hour a day you could find to begin to lessen them?

7. Finally, you are then ready to approach the Board. You will feel more confident than previously because you have information that they do not know but need. You are informing them and then presenting them with options. Your plan includes all of the things you have done and been doing, so this will help your concern that the Board will not think you are doing your job. You want to stay focused on the mission of the organization that you all share, and you are in the position of reporting what you see and what you are able to do with your particular set of abilities. It's not personal. You have documentation to back you up.

8. One last piece of advice with the Board. Present all of this to them in an energetic and upbeat fashion. Emphasize all that has been accomplished. Make sure your report includes all the great things that have happened and the wonderful things going on in the shelter. Present yourself as upbeat, energetic and confident. This may sound trite, but get a new colorful outfit to wear. Appear confident (whether you are or not). Show your willingness to do what is needed next within your realistic limits and then your recommended plan.

Let them know you are open to input and revision, and are also asking them for support, resources and perhaps a few decisions about priorities. I do think volunteer recruitment needs to be a priority. If they want to skip one part of it, make sure they see what the consequences to that would be and ask them for an alternative to whatever that need was. Write it down on your plan, right therein front of them.

Show that you are on top of things, and with the right plan to get more help and funding, the organization will continue to grow. You want to come across with the attitude that there are obstacles out there (especially not enough time, help and money) and a strong need out there, but as long as everybody stays realistic and just takes it a step at a time much can be achieved under your Directorship.

Kindness to animals builds a better world for all of us.
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