Separation Anxiety
by Faith Maloney
Separation anxiety is a complex condition often revolving around the relationship between both the dog and his or her person. It begins with a dysfunctional dog. A puppy that is weaned too early or has not had the benefits of good early socialization is an emotionally damaged creature and requires special treatment if he or she is going to fit well into our busy lives.
Enter the human component. It is very easy for us animal lovers to feel sorry for the puppy cringing at the back of the cage in a pet store, or the dog at the local animal shelter with sad eyes. We take him home and lavish him with love and attention to make up for all the hard times he has endured. But this actually compounds the dog's feeling of inadequacy, and a potential separation anxiety condition is born.
Take the case of Lilly. Lilly fell hard for a Scottish terrier mix she saw at her local shelter. She knew he had been turned in to the shelter for some behavioral problems in his first home, but she believed that love would conquer all. Having just gone through a bitter divorce, she felt she needed him to fill that empty place inside. She named him Hamish, and set about giving him the best possible life she could.
The two had a wonderful few weeks together. Hamish was almost a perfect angel. Lilly noted he would become anxious if she popped out to the store and couldn't take him with her in the car, but this just confirmed how attached he was becoming to her.
The big disaster struck when she had to go back to work a few weeks later. Hamish turned into a monster and began to destroy the rug near the door, the doorjamb, and the window frames in an effort to get out to find Lilly. Her neighbors reported that he would howl and whine for hours on end, and he wouldn't eat the food she left down for him during the day.
Lilly was at her wits' end. She didn't want to take Hamish back to the shelter, so she consulted an expert on dog behavior, who gave her some hope that Hamish's problem could be addressed.
"It is going to take some time and commitment on your part. Are you up for it?" the behaviorist asked.
"First, you need to work on basic obedience commands, either through a class or by devoting some time every day to helping Hamish gain some self-confidence with the basics: sit, stay, down, etc. And he needs a good aerobic exercise plan. He needs to run and play and work off some of that anxiety that builds up in his system. A gentle stroll around the block is not enough."
"Next, how do you usually conduct yourself as you are preparing to leave the house?" asked the expert.
"Well, I spend time with Hamish," explained Lilly. "I reassure him that I will be back before he knows it, and I set him up with his toys and give him some extra cuddles."
"Big mistake," said the behaviorist. "Don't make any fuss at all about leaving. You are simply transmitting your own anxiety about leaving Hamish alone by all of your extra attention. Your dog easily senses your emotional state. He picks up your guilt and anxiety about leaving him alone and wants to be with you at whatever cost. Added to which, your own fears about what will happen to your house is compounding the problem"
"But how does he know all of that?" Lilly asked.
"Nonverbal communication is often stronger than the verbal kind. You may be saying with your words that everything is OK, but that is not what your emotions, body language, and other subtle signals are giving off. That is what Hamish is most sensitive to. Don't forget that because of what happened to him when he was a puppy, he lacks self-confidence and does not know how to act when he is on his own. He is also acutely alert to all the signals of your leaving, like putting on your coat or outdoor shoes or picking up the car keys."
"Do some experiments on a non-working day. Prepare to leave as usual, but omit the extra attention. In fact, ignore Hamish completely for at least 15 minutes before you pick up your bag to leave. Stay out for a short time. Come back, but do not make a big fuss. Ignore him again. Put your bag down, take care of any other tasks you need to do, like going to the bathroom, and then after about 15 minutes, greet your dog, but in a non-anxious way, if that is possible. You could even make all the preparations to go out and then not go at all. After doing this consistently for some time, Hamish should become desensitized to these signals."
"Does Hamish sleep on the bed with you?" the expert asked.
"Of course," replied Lilly. "I find it very comforting to feel him beside me at night, and he seems to like it, too."
With a well-balanced dog, this is not a problem, but with a dog like Hamish that lacks self-esteem, it reinforces his dependency. You need to give him his own bed and insist that he sleeps on it and not on yours. This may mean using a leash to secure him in place and putting in some earplugs so you don't give in to his whining pleas to come join you on your bed. Hamish will get used to it, and it is one of the first steps to becoming independent.
"The same applies to his sitting on the sofa with you while you watch TV or read a book."
"Oh, I was hoping I could still let him do that," said Lilly, looking a little sad.
"If you really work at all of this and Hamish begins to realize that he can stand on his own four feet, then you can ease up on the sofa sitting, but don't let his big, sad eyes blackmail you into giving in before he is ready to fly solo. Just remember all those door and window repair bills or worse, not being able to have Hamish in your life at all."
The behaviorist also suggested consulting a veterinarian about using one of the new anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medications available for dogs to help ease Hamish through the transition from dependent to independent. "These might help him adjust to the new routines. Once he has them down pat, with your vet's supervision, the drugs can be withdrawn."
Lilly and Hamish set about creating a new and positive relationship. It took some time and there were several setbacks, but Lilly persevered. Eventually, both of them got through the problem and now Hamish can tolerate his times alone without destroying the house.
One other tip: Some people have found that getting a calmer doggie companion can help a lot with the dog that has separation anxiety. Linda and Grover met each other at a shelter after Linda had eaten a good bit of her home, and Grover had destroyed the inside of a car. Could this be a recipe for double trouble? Both are here at Best Friends now, where they are cementing a very deep bond. They love each other and play for hours on end with each other and their dog neighbors. Our hope is that when they both go together to a new home, they will have each other to alleviate their anxiety and not take it out on the furniture.
